Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

Patriotism, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.

Immortality, n. A toy which people cry for, and on their knees apply for, dispute, contend and lie for.

Friendless, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.

Gossip, n. A person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others.

Husband, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences exciting it.

Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.

War, n. A by-product of the arts of peace.

The Devil’s Dictionary