It's astounding the impact one person can have on youDavid Sedaris
The teacher continued her diatribe and I settled back, bathing in the subtle beauty of each new curse and insult.David Sedaris
Think of the rabbit's foot, how it felt when we could not claim it. Such victories are short-lived.David Sedaris
At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few trees down with me.David Sedaris
After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.David Sedaris
I'd probably have fewer regrets if I didn't clench my sphincter every time I had a pleasant thought.David Sedaris
Though there's an industry built on telling you otherwise, there are few real joys to middle age. The only perk I can see is that, with luck, you'll acquire a guest room.David Sedaris
There is no pleasure like leaving. I love to go. I love to go.David Sedaris
Regardless of how much patience we have, we would prefer never to use any of it.David Sedaris
While overseas, you learn more about your own country, than you do the place you’re visiting.David Sedaris
Haven’t we heard enough about famous people? At this point, it’s the janitor’s turn to shine.David Sedaris