I think I left behind a great many fossils.David Sedaris
They hired me. I couldn't believe it. Elfin life, here I come!David Sedaris
I wear green velvet knickers, a forest green velvet smock and a perky little hat decorated with spangles.David Sedaris
I believe that I have spent an average of eight dollars for every dollar I pretend to earn.David Sedaris
WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? I don't know, but I can tell you what Santa would do. He would do whatever is necessary.David Sedaris
Life at the North Pole is a constant swirl of shopping, decorating and crowd control.David Sedaris
The overall effect is the same as if you'd attended the world's most elaborate four year old's birthday party.David Sedaris
Santa doesn't care about your color unless you're a tight-wad. Then he cares very much indeed.David Sedaris
It's like playing make-believe for money.David Sedaris
A day as an elf would drive anyone mad.David Sedaris