Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? ...

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

Those who dance, are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

Brain Droppings