To put it another way, when we attribute problems in the child to what’s missing in the child — rather than to our own expectations, manner of interacting, or way of arranging things in the classroom or household — we do that child an even more radical disservice.Alfie Kohn
A decade ago, educational psychologists gave that matter a name: they talked about the 'overjustification' effect. ... When an activity is already intrinsically motivating...extrinsic motivators not only are unnecessary but actually reduce a person’s motivation to continue the activity for its own sake.Alfie Kohn
Children are likely to become enthusiastic, lifelong learners as a result of being provided with an engaging and supportive learning environment. Children do not need to be made to learn.Alfie Kohn
Another way to help children become their best selves is to let them know they don’t have to be.Alfie Kohn
If we offered kids a rich, supportive environment in which to grow, they would develop in ways that might surprise us.Alfie Kohn
Conditional parenting isn’t just another method. It’s not like telling a child to stand in the corner for a time-out, or to get ready for bed on a predictable schedule. It’s about our overarching framework for everything we do with our kids.Alfie Kohn
What’s ultimately decisive isn’t whether we use rewards or punishment but why we’re doing so: to avoid the discomfort of saying no, to avoid feeling we’ve lost control—or because we’re genuinely concerned about the child.Alfie Kohn
Consequently, it is a serious mistake to applaud a punishment just because it seems to have made someone do what we wanted. Not only is it cruel to make children suffer, but it also backfires far more often than we would expect.Alfie Kohn
Children learn how to make good decisions by making decisions, not by following directions.Alfie Kohn
Time-outs are just as bad as spanking. We need to stop using them now. They are completely disrespectful of children.Alfie Kohn