The abusive man’s high entitlement leads him to have unfair and unreasonable expectations, so that the relationship revolves around his demands.Lundy Bancroft
Your abusive partner doesn’t have a problem with his anger; he has a problem with your anger.Lundy Bancroft
An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he’s not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing.Lundy Bancroft
Has he ever trapped you in a place and not let you out? Has he ever raised a fist as if he were going to hit you? Has he ever thrown an object that hit you or nearly did? Has he ever held you down or grabbed you to restrain you? Has he ever shoved, poked, or grabbed you? Has he ever threatened to hurt you? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then we can stop wondering whether he’ll ever be violent; he already has been.Lundy Bancroft
The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man’s emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm.Lundy Bancroft
Feelings of fear and confusion can be indications of abuse, even if physical aggression hasn’t happened.Lundy Bancroft
Abuse and respect are diametric opposites: You do not respect someone whom you abuse, and you do not abuse someone whom you respect.Lundy Bancroft
A man who yells at his partner and intimidates her may actually be a worse abuser than a man who puts his fist through a wall but has reverence for his partner’s feelings, space, and physical safety. The first man is indulging feelings of contempt, the greatest enemy of respectful relating.Lundy Bancroft
The societal belief that abusiveness is caused by mental illness or substance abuse is a form of denial that serves to bolster a number of mythsLundy Bancroft
The abusive man seeks to distort reality through his responses to your feelings.Lundy Bancroft